- Author Tania Zayets
Perfect Mirror. Or how to deal with emotional pain.
- Mummy help me, I am in pain.. My daughter reached out. Her eyes were sad, face was expressive of pain and emotional unrest. At nine years old, at a times she is feeling as something is missing in her life. And it gives her lots of emotional sadness. We speak about this and often it's different things.
Recently she has expressed that she is to be a teenager soon and she must be hormonal, justifying waves of emotions she experiences. Wherever from she learned this, sadly, it is an example of an excuse of using science to ignore a human behind and their needs. Labeling is a dismissal of a person, it's character and being.
Yet, all of us tend to spend a fair amount of time to find that evidence, that stamp, labeling answers the question of "what is wrong with me?"
Why not be as you are?
There is so much fear in the possibility of facing yourself. Being curious about personal emotions, senses, what your body wishes to say through the aches and feelings.
It looks as it’s easier to get a label and sense of belonging and certainty. This way we remove responsibility from ourselves by sharing or looking to pass it to someone else. The usual hit are taken by doctors, governments, family, employer, even children. Not taken responsibility has a form of a Blame game.
Taking responsibility for life by listening to own needs and responding to them is not a huge deal. We are just simply not accustomed to it. We are not being taught from a young age that our bodies are our main compasses for your life.
If we feel deprived – because we don’t listen.
We feel angry and frustrated – because we keep looking for the answer outside.
We waste lifes seeking that approval.
So I respond to my daughter: - Sweetie, I am not sure what I can do for you. I see there is nothing wrong with you. I wish you can see it too... My daughter's face and body from strained and the previously stressed body went into a relaxed state. In a minute or two we both moved on from that episode and were giggling on a different topic.
Will this happen again? - Mostly yes then no.
Does it happen to me? - Hell, yes.
So what I did with my daughter was holding a crispy clear mirror by looking at her ad seeing her just exactly how she is.
Sometimes it’s called holding the space for this another person. Space of no judgment, no sympathising, no drama. Being neutral, yet wholly compassionate and empathetic. Seeing and loving this person who needs it.
Can you do it for your dear one? Expressions like: "I understand", "I see you", "I feel you", "I am here with you", expressing the state of holding space. This helps person instead of spreading their emotional pain - own it, and honor it and facing it. Something that when you are on your own is not easy to do. Have at least one or two people, friends like that. Who can hold a crisp, clear mirror to you? And be one too! Give a go.