How to break your limits.
This simple question "What do I really want?" that is an engine of beautiful and complex thing called life, surprisingly doesn’t have a straight and easy answer.
Mostly, people will be driven in their day to day life by wants that avoid pain and discomfort. But should these immediate needs be totally satisfied, what would be an answer?
Try to find it for yourself.
Exersise. Allow yourself 20-30 min time, and write down what do you want - brainstorm. Put your massive wants first and then smaller after. When you feel that have run out of wants, move to the second part.
Imagine one by one that what you want - you already have. By imagining, I mean to literally see yourself as in the movie, where everything you want has happened already.
Feel the emotions, savour the moment. And then, move to another want. Reflect.
This exercise shows few things:
1. While we think in the average that we want a lot, we mostly find what we consciously want is not authentic to us.
2. Once you run out of all of your wants, see what else do you want.
And what after? What would you want next?
You may stuck quicker then you'd thought.
That's your current limitation.
3. Reflect how expands your perception of what’s possible for you. When we live life focusing on 1-2 primary goals or dreams and hundreds of life medium goals we limit ourselves only to those possibilities.
With time what we want (whether we achieve it or not) becomes deeply engraved in us, and we start to identify with it. And that is the point where limitless potential stops - right there in the limiting visions of persons wants.
4. This exercise helps people to filter out many fake wants: THINGS they want because their parents wanted for them or because it will make them show up in front of neighbours because, finally, they can prove themselves something they need to.
The issue with fake wants is that they are like empty calories under nourishing food. They don’t keep you filled.
Now you may wonder why there is this insatiable hunger in the world
developed countries to have and own things, holidays etc.
Recently I had a client who showcased this exercise, perfectly. She is a professional who aspires a growth in career. Once she accepted virtually that she got her first want - a career success satisfied, she moved to the next one - having an ideal relationships. Here, once client imagined that she got her perfect relationship, she suddenly had run out of options of what else to want. As for her, she has already reached all of her life goals.
When I prompted her to see what she wants she said suddenly: - I want to be on stage and play a musical instrument. She was playing the piano many years back and stopped.
When she said this, her whole body changed. She looked revived, confident and relaxed. It was truly a heartfelt want. Of course now once she sees that having perfect relationship is not her limit any longer, she can much easier pursue it. As there is no the end of road pressure. The goal of having a great career has no became one of her life goals, not the only life goal. And it's truly liberating experience to raise beyond your limiting dreams and goals self-identification.
The answers are in our heart that knows no limit. If you started this exersise by asking your heart - the flow would be very different. It takes courage and vulnerability to say what you really want. But it's so worth it.
I love this quote from C.S. Lewis that puts what I shared into another perspective: "To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable."
Keep asking your heart: “What do I want?” Be limitless.