Woman client sharing despair in regards to her personal life. In early 40th she feels like a failure when it comes to relationships. Three significant relationships in her life were with men, who were cowards, as she described them. While the romantic side of the story was inspirational and full of beautiful moments… In real life situations, when she needed and expected to get a sense of protection from them, they would stand her up.
She felt deeply deceived and ashamed. Underneath, these relationships have crashed her confidence and sense of self-worth…
As we proceeded with the session.
Client: I cannot forgive them for being such a cowards. Not standing up for me when I needed it the most.
Me: Tell me how do you usually standing up for yourself?
Client: … I don’t…
…. I am such a coward myself when it comes to speaking out things or doing things that I truly care about or need…
What really matters to me is not easy for me to express and do… Neither standing up for what i want.
Every relationship will mirror back to us the exact painful aspect that we are trying to avoid to deal with ourselves and will look to compensate the sense of lack through our partners.
This often becomes a cornerstone of conflicts, frictions and difficulties in relationships.
In the case of my client, her need for protection was based on the self-inflicting sense of inadequacy to be brave enough to stand up for what she believes. She needed her partner to do this job for her.
This set up invites unequal power struggle arrangement. Naturally, the relationships couldn’t last long. Unless client fully owns her ability to self expression and standing strong for what is right for her, she will keep attracting same type of relationships.
*Sharing as per permission from client
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